Last week one of my daughters pets died, he was just a small creature. A Degu, a member of the guinea pig family, he was 7 yrs old and just died in her hands. Lots of crying ensued and the following day a burial took place along side two previous small pets. My kids over the years have had a lot of pets, guinea pigs, hamsters and a budgie, so we have had a fair few deaths, but it doesn't get any easier. I suppose that encountering loss at an early age prepares them for the concept of death, that no-one and nothing lives forever. We have also lost family members over the years and that in its way is the same, you never become accustomed to loss. Each death strikes you anew and though over time it becomes easier to think of our loved ones with a smile instead of a tear, the loss never leaves you.
The dog has been ill for a while as well, he's 13 next month and has already had two cancerous lumps removed. I am dreading his death, not only for my own sake, he is my constant companion, but with my kids being 19 and 20 he has been a constant in their lives for a long time. They take him for granted, are always going to take him a walk tomorrow and treat him like a kid. Losing a pet, even one you have had for a long time can never be equated with the loss of a person, especially a child. But to most of us it is still a devastating loss and the grief can be overwhelming. I have lost parents and a sibling, but I cannot ever imagine losing a child, it must be the most terrible loss of all, something you struggle to come back from.
You try to prepare your children for the things that happen in life, but actual death can only be experienced for itself. But so can childbirth and falling in love for the first time, so along with feeling great sorrows in life we can also feel great joys. In this digital age we all have phones with cameras on, but how many of us actually print off our photos. Digital images do not have an indefinite life span, we lose phones, images corrupt and eventually degrade over time. I'm as guilty as this of anyone, so I'm going to start and print some of our photos off. Rummaging through a box of old photos is a great pleasure and can be an adventure for a child, discovering relatives and friends long since gone. Also discovering the stories that go with the images, passing on an oral history can be just as important. The story of Harry that I put on here not long ago was one my dad was always telling me about my Grandad. I never met him as he died before I was born, but he lived in my minds eye through my dad's stories, as did my Great Grandad through stories about him. Now I tell those stories to my children, as well as ones about my own parents and I hope they continue to travel through the ages from mouth to ear, from parent to child.
And so we learn to deal with love and loss. As well as the physical things we make to become heirlooms for future generations, pass on your stories as well.
Philosophical discussion over, I'm just in a mellow and reflective mood. A combination of the time of year and atmospheric weather perhaps. After all Halloween is originally a feast for remembering the dead not just an American holiday for children to stuff themselves stupid with sweets. So remember loved ones as you put on your costumes, but enjoy making new memories and stories to pass on, and don't forget those photos. After all I'm sure your Great Grandchildren will want to know who the mad people dressed as witches and vampires in the photos are!
All my Love
Louise xx
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